“There is a generation of eighties semiotics students who wish that Barnes had been around twenty years earlier, to make critical theory a little easier to use on dates. But then we had Green Gartside, of Scritti Politti—another writer Barnes has an affinity with, as far as androgyny, literature, and affection for disco are concerned.”—
Sasha Frere-Jones’ piece on of Montreal in The New Yorker is relentlessly on point, and strongly recommended, particularly if you’re the type of person who is not yet sold on the brilliance of Kevin Barnes. I’m especially glad that SFJ made this point: “After a dozen listens, Skeletal Lamping doesn’t feel at all jumpy or impatient. Barnes may like to change positions a lot, but he rarely loses track of where the song is.”
They call our very soon to be former President out on a lot of his BS in this song, but ultimately I think their sentiment is driven by empathy, which really gets driven home in the gorgeous funeral dirge blast at the song’s end.
Someday, the maps that you and I have made, will all fade, someday…
Stop what you’re doing, because I’m about to ruin the rhythm and the styles that you’re used to.
Now, we’re not all rich. And we are not all rich women living in Manhattan off of a ton of some venture capitalist money (“my money is going toward some rich girl pooping?”). I’d wager a bet that the kind of person that reads Boner Party is not the kind of person that is looking for a “deep cleanse” (i.e: starving yourself and then farting out grapefruits or some shit, i dunno, i can only get 8 words into anything they write over at Nonsociety before i want to claw my eyes out).
Trail mix. for a good 3 weeks in October of 2004 i was at college in chicago and survived entirely on trail mix for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. it made it look like you had pebble-dashed the toilet, and your bowels made a sound like mariah carey stuck in a VW Bug full of oatmeal that was being pushed off a very tall cliff, but I lost about 15lbs.
Craisins. want to save money on potpourri? i bet you do. because normal dudes will buy a can of Fabreeze and call it a day when it comes to *ahem* down there smells. but Craisins are God’s gift to the poor man. for about $3 a bag you get 2 days servings of fruit. which is rad. because after all that pizza (which we will get to in a minute) your insides are more clogged than Robin Williams’ shower drain. and not only that………… after you poop, the room will smell (mostly) like delicious cranberries (and poop).
$5 Pizza @ Dominoes / Little Ceasars. if you’re a dude, you don’t really drink one drink. no. you have “a mission FROM GAD” to quote a Brother Blue. the same deal with a pizza… one of these, for $5, will last you a full day. of course, your intestines will be making a sound not unlike Nick Nolte wrestling a wild boar until you birth that poop; and good luck if you’re like me and enjoy Tapatio on that pizza. But this will CLEANSE you. half a bottle of Tapatio (79cents) and a large pepperoni ($5) will CLEANSE you of pretty much anything you have in your body. think of it like Catholicism 101: the more hot sauce you put on, the more of your sins shall be repented. i’ve been known to have taken poops that would tear the paint off of a pirate ship.
Ramen. Ramen to your body is the equivalent of sobriety to David Bowie. yeah, that shits like .50 a pop, but really? do you want to cry but can’t because of all the sodium coursing through your veins? enough of these would suck the sorrow from a recent widow.
Tacos. i lived for a month on tacos one time because i lived 30 feet from Taqueria Moran (the best steak tacos in the world, hands down). imagine every Rush album being played backwards simultaneously, but out of your own ass. that was every day of my life for one whole month. never pay more than $1.25 for one. and fuck Chipotle and Taco Bell. after one late night Taco Bell run i farted and i grounded a passing ship.
Off-market brands. how much do you love adventure? do you love the unknown? do you like fruit drinks but can’t afford two dollars on a normal one? in a back alley chinese restaurant i once had Snaple, which is a lot like Snapple, except the stomach pain i had after drinking it would’ve easily killed a gay wizard and left me with a scar for life. i’m just sayin’. it’s a good thing i didn’t try the Diet Cok (nice try, chinese food place. nice try).
times are tough, Economybros. keep your chin(s) up. Boners, like hope, will always prevail.